Letters to Your Younger Self: Childhood Trauma, Resiliency, Self-Love (Sarah Peterson)

Letters to Your Younger Self

This is an ongoing project that YOU are able to take part in!

Ever wonder what it would be like if you could go back and talk to a younger version of yourself? What advice would you give? Would you warn them about things to come? Or would you just give them a hug? This page is dedicated to people who have written letters to their younger selves. This process is incredibly healing and by sharing them, I hope they are healing to you as well.  If you’d like to take part in this project, please email grant@balancedtrance.com

 

How old are you now? 36

 

If you could give this letter to your younger self, how old would you be? 12

(Photo of Sarah, current self)

Hi Sarah.

 

There’s no denying you’ve been through so much over the last year. And I know you thought he’d be gone forever once we was put in prison. I know you’re devastated, shocked, and confused as to why mom would have asked him to move back in. I know you feel like utter shit. Like you don’t matter one bit. You don’t understand why you have to live this life with these people in this horrible place. You question the validity of existence, of living.

 

And you’re right to be so confused given the circumstances — to mom you don’t matter at all. You want her to protect you, to stand up for you, but she never did… and she never will. But one thing you don’t know is that she is severely damaged. She is beyond helping. There is nothing you can do. So please cut yourself some slack, ok? I wish I could tell you that it will change, that she will change, but I cannot. You need to know that is not your fault.

 

What I can do is tell you this: you are so BEYOND lovable that I can’t even put it into words.

 

Even though you feel like you have no one, not a single friend or family member, no one you can trust.. You aren’t alone at all. I promise.

 

It sure doesn’t feel that way though, does it? You feel trapped. Unable to get out of this prison. You feel like a coward because you just take it.. the abuse, the neglect. You feel powerless to protect yourself, and yet you know you could have done something. You could have ran away. I forgive you for your cowardice, Sarah. I forgive you. For I see the true warrior within you.

 

You’ve been thinking about killing your self.. And you will try and fail many times. I understand why you’ll try. I understand the relentless pain you endure constantly. I understand that you do it for attention and also because you have no perceived recourse. You have my compassion, I understand. I’m listening.

 

Sarah, you are here to do something no one else is capable of: you’re here to experience the life of the slave, the peasant, the ignored, the abused, the poor.. So that you can come to understand the inherent divine worth that exists within you.. within us all, regardless of station, regardless of upbringing, regardless of how others see you, regardless of what anyone tells you, regardless of what anyone does to you, regardless of what you do to yourself… you will ALWAYS BE LOVED. You will always BE.

 

You will close that door. You’ll shun the light of the Sun’s warm, generative rays. You’ll even shun the supportive, soothing green of life bursting from the leaves of the 100-year maples that line the beautiful streets of the town in which you reside. You will become blinded, lost in a hell of your own making.

 

Your eyes, focused on maya, distortions.. Convincing yourself that you are defective, that you are unlovable.  But you will always be loved. Always. No matter what you see in the world around you, in the dull, glassy eyes of those around you. No matter how much of an outsider you feel you are. No matter how alien you feel..

 

Oh,  Sarah. There is no point in time, EVER, that you are not loved, even though the world around you seems to be screaming violently in agony against such lofty claims. The true Mother and Father that exist above and within ALWAYS. ALWAYS (!!!) loves you. And you WILL come to know this in its entirety. And you will recognize that you are and ALWAYS were love personified. You. Yes.

 

You are a special creature — human and alien all at once, you are magnificence, you are genius, you are beauty and grace.

 

And there will never not be a time that you are loved. There will never be a time that you are not protected by the Unseen.

 

I love you. I will always protect you. Forgive me for not realizing when I was you, that this is the truth.

 

Keep being you. Never let anyone contort your expression. I know you will, but I also know you will not. Because even under the layers of shame you know that you are Divine Royalty. You are king. You are the Sun, the Moon and the stars. You are All.

 

Stay strong. This isn’t all for nothing. There is a reason why you are here. You will accomplish all you’ve set out to do — to live without fear. To love unapologetically as only you can.

 

Forever at your side,

 

Sarah.

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